M.W.Barley Collection (1954, Parker)
Version c |
Transcription
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Plough Monday play given by Mrs. Parker of Caunton February
1954
Tom Fool:- In comes I who has never been afore,
I couldn't get through your window
I had to come through your door.
Stir up your fire and shine a light,
To gallant actors who are here tonght.
Some can act and some can dance,
With your consent they shall come in.
Sergeant. In come I the Recruiting Sergeant,
I have arrived here just now,
To list all jolly fellers,
That followw horse, cart or plough.
Tinker, tailor, pedlars, nailor,
All the more do I advance,
The more I hear the fiddle play,
The more I can dance.
Tom Fool:- You dance?
Sergeant:- Yes, I can either dance, sing or say.
Tom Fool:- If you begin to sing or dance
I shall quickly march away.
Sergeant:- (Sings) Come all ye boys that abound for listing
List and do not be afraid.
You shall have all kinds of liquors,
Likewise kiss the pretty maid.
Lady:-(Sings) In comes the lady bright and gay
Sweet fortunes and sweet charmes.
How sweetly I've been thrown away
Out of moy true love's arms.
She [He] swears if you dont wed with me
I'll [He'll] list you for a soldier
To fight in foreign lands.
-2-
Old Woman:- In comes I Old Dame Jane
With a neck as long as any old crane.
I've been dib dabbing all over the meadows,
Once I was a pretty fair maid,
Now I am a darned Old Widow.
Tommy I've brought thee thy Bastard.
Tom Fool:- My Baatard?
Old Woman:- Yes, your Bastard.
Tom Fool:- Take the Bastard and christen it at the yard pump.
Eezum Squeezum:- In comes I Old Eezum Squeezum,
On my back I carry a beesum,
In my hand a Wit Leather Fry Pan,
Dont you think I'm a funny old man?
If you dont I do,
What, old dame, dare stand afore Belzy tonight?
Old Woman:- I dare.
Eezum Sgueezum:- For why?
Old Women:- My head is made of iron
My body made of steel,
My legs and shins are made of knuckle bone,
There's neither man nor beast can make me feel.
Eezum Sgueezum:- I'll make you feel.
I'll ish you, smish you, smoush [smash] you, splash you,
Chop you into a thousand square pieces,
Send you to Jamaica to make minch pie on.
Eezum Squeezum knocks down Old Woman.
-3-
Tom Fool:- £5 for a doctor.
Sergeant:- £10 to stop away.
Lady:- £15 to come and he must come on a sad case
like this.
Doctor:- Whoa boy, take hold of my barley chaff horse,
Give him a wet feed of threepenny bit,
Rub him down with a brick
Take hold of his tail and mind he dont bite you.
In comes I the doctor.
Tom Fool:- How came you to be a doctor?
Doctor:- I travelled.
Tom Fool:- Where did you travel?
Doctor: Three mile yon side York.
I cured an old woman they called Cork.
She tumbld upstairs with an empty teapot full of
flour
And made her stocking leg bleed.
I cured all that.
Tom Fool:- Well you seem very clever;
You had better try your skill on this old Girl.
Doctor:- I'll first feel the old girl's pulse.
Tom Fool:- Is that where you feel the pulse?
Doctor:- Yes certainly, where ahould you feel?
Tom Fool:- The back of tne neck of course.
-4-
Doctor:- Her pulse beats 40 times to my watch once;
She's not dead she's in a trance.
She's been living on potato tops for a fortnight
And tried to swallow a donkey and cart
And couldn't get the wheels down.
In my pocket I have some chiff-chaff,
I will roll it dowm her wiff-waff.
Here I have a box of pills;
Take one in the morning, two at night,
And swallow the box at dinner time -
That's if you're alive.
Rise up old girl and let us dance.
Tom Fool:- If she can dance, we can sing,
Rise up and let us begin.
CHORUS:- Good Master and good Mistress
As you sit round your fire,
Just think of us poor plough boys
That plough the mud and mire.
The mire it is so wet and deep,
The water runs so clear,
And what you please into our box
And a pitcher of your best beer.
Our song is ended
You see our Fool is gone,
We take it in our business
to follow him along.
We thank you for civility
And what you gave us here,
And wish you all goodnight,
And a jolly happy year. |
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