Context:

Location: Steventon, Berkshire, England (SU4691)
Year: Perf. c.1883
Time of Occurrence: Christmas
Collective Name: Mummers

Source:

T. Bunce & [B.] Hutchins
The Mummers
James Madison Carpenter Collection, Library of Congress, AFC 1972/001, MS pp. 02861-02864, https://www.vwml.org/record/VWMLCustomsIndex/PL277

Cast:

Text:

FATHER CHRISTMAS:

Here comes Old Father Christmas,
Welcome, or welcome not
I hope Old Father Christmas will never be forgot
Last Christmas day, I turned the spit,
I burnt my finger and felt on it,
The sparkle flew over the table,
The skimmer hit the ladle,
Ahh, said, the grid iron,
What, can;t you two agree,
I am the true justice, bring 'em to me;
I'll make um know me!
Give me room to act, room to rhyme
All this merry Christmas time
Activity of youth, activity of age,
No sich game acted on land or stage,
Walk in the younger Son.

YOUNGER SON:

I am the Royal o Proosia King,
Barn to defend all Christendom,
I fought many a battle at home an abroad,
If that aint true, upon my word.
I cares for no man,
English, French, Spain or Turk!
Whur's that man that durst to do me anyu urt!
I'll bet him stand
I'll cut 'm down
with my creatios 'and.
I'll cut 'im in slices
as small as flies,
An send im to thee cook
shop to make mince pies;
Let all your merry voices ring- ring,
I am the Royal o Proosia King.
Walk in, the bold French Officer!

BOLD FRENCH OFFICER:

I am the bold French Officer,
Jack Slasher is my name,
The buckle an sword hangs by my side,
I be in 'opes to win the game.
I've been a bold French officer,
All my very long time,
They drove me through the fields to fly,
So battle, battle thee an I will try
To see which on the floor will lie.

{THEY FIGHT WITH SWORD: PROOSIA KING FALLS}

FATHER CHRISTMAS {The foreman} :

Doctor, doctor, wur bist thee,
King George is oonded through the knee
Doctor, doctor, play thy part,
King George is oonded through the heart;
Ten pound, if that noble doctor could be found;

{In rushes Doctor}

DOCTOR:

See sir, here am I!

FATHER CHRISTMAS:

Doctor, Doctor, what is thy fee?

DOCTOR:

Ten pound is my fee,
but only five I'll take o thee;

FATHER CHRISTMAS:

Cure this man!

DOCTOR:

I will sir, if I can.
He aint quite dead, sir,
For he shakes one leg.
Here comes this noble doctor,
Which travels much at home and abroad,
I don't go about the country like these little hig-shig quick-quack doctors;
I goes about for the good of the countr .
Some [?] rather kill than cure, but I rather cure than kill.
Bring me my specks, Jack! {Jack Vinney comes in, his specks}
This man want's tuth drawed!

Doctor:

my plyers Jack! {Jack brings pliers}
Gimme a little help;
'old 's 'ead!
Ouw, here's a tuth that I drawed from this man
{hold up big tooth cut ouf ot a cork on little stick}
Nouth to kill any man!

FOREMAN (Father C.)

Any man, indeed sir!

DOCTOR:

Here's a little box of pills,
Cures all the ills,
The itch, the stitch, the paulsey an the gout,
Pains within an pains without,
Any old woman as got the mumps,
Bring her to me, an I'll pull our her stumps;
Any old woman as it dead seven years,
Buried eight, led in the grave nine,
If she can rise an crack one o my pills,
I'll bound and maintain her'll live a thousand years.
Take one an try!
Annis grubs, or stannis grubs,
All these little an-tan-tarjum things
I've mentioned unto you this night.
Bring me my smell bottle, Jack!

Jack:

Yes sir

Doc:

Here's a little bottle o nip nap
To put on his tip-tap.
Rise up an fight once more!

{When he gets up; Royal o Proosia King says to Bold French Officer:}

PROOSIA KING:

Slasher, Slasher, don't be hot,
Or on the ground will be thy spot,
It shall never be as it was before,

{Mummers, Steventon--}

PROOSIA KING -

I Battle battle thee an I will try once more.

{The fight again Proosia King knocks down bold French Officer;}

DOCTOR:

Thousands I directed,
an cured I expected,
If any man can do more'n me,
Walk in Jack Vinney!

JACK VINNEY:

My name's not Jack Vinney!
My name's MR. Vinney!
Don't ye know me name?

DOCTOR,

No Jack, How should I?

JACK VINNEY,

Well I'm a man o fame,
Come from Tame,
Do more than thee, or any other man again.

DOCTOR:

Aye, Jack what can's thee do?

JACK VINNEY:

I can cure a magpie with tuth ache!

DOCTOR:

How bist thee gwine to do that then Jack?

JACK VINNEY:

Cut his head off an fling his body in the ditch!

DOCTOR:

That's a Barbarous way o doing of it!

JACK VINNEY:

Not a bit of it!
I can cure this man if he aint quite dead.
Give a soldier thee right 'and, an rise up thee 'ead!
Thee comes from Spain an I comes from France,
Give a soldier thy right hand
An we'll have a merry dance!

{He gets up an they jump about together.}

FATHER CHRISTMAS:

Come in, Mrs Beelzebub!

OLD WOMAN:

Here comes I, Old Mother Beelzebub,
Under her arm she car's 'er lug (lub)
In 'er arm 'er drippin pan,
Thinks 'er self a jolly old woman!
'Ere comes I as aint been it (yet
With me 'ead an little wit
Me 'ead's so big, me wit's so small,
I've brought me bell to please ye all .

{Old Woman rings bell, and all dance round; they all go round and collect coppers--}

Notes:

Carpenter's Provenance

THE MUMMERS - T. Bunce (76), and . Hutchins (76--7) - The Greens Steventon, Pond Place
Learned from the old mummers- fifty years ago,
[handwritten annotation, difficult to decypher:] f uncle of Geo. was,

Carpenter's Endnotes

Dressed in old clothes
Dressed in old clothes, papers on clothes and high hats-- - the squire always glad to see- give food and beer and Moeny -- sometimes a little 'top-heavy' Sometimes make a pound or two-- Go up to squires; play for squire; 'gentry' then for the Butler and servants
Drayton--

Notes on Informants

"T. Bunce (76)"
Tom Bunce, born c.1857 (according to 1871 & 1911 censuses), therefore collected c. 1933.
"Hutchins (76-7)"
Most likely: Benjamin Hutchins, born. c.1858 (according to 1871 census)
"Learned from the old mummers- fifty years ago", therefore c. 1883 when the informants were in their mid 20s

File History:

2024-02-28 - Digitised and encoded by Peter Millington
2024-03-01 - TEI-encoded by Peter Millington

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