Context:

Location: Drayton, Berkshire, England (SU4794)
Year: Perf. c.1883
Time of Occurrence: Christmas
Collective Name: Mummers

Source:

W. Belcher
The Mummers
James Madison Carpenter Collection, Library of Congress, AFC 1972/001, MS pp. 02853-02855, https://www.vwml.org/record/VWMLCustomsIndex/PL275

Cast:

Text:

FATHER CHRISTMAS:

In comes Old Father Christmas,
Welcome or welcome not;
I hope Old Father Christmas will never be forgot,
Last Christmas time I turned te spit,
I burnt my finger an fell on it,
The spark fled over the table,
The skimmer hit the ladle,
Ah, said the old gridiron,
Well can't you two agree?
A room, a room, I do presume,
For me an my brave company,
Actimithy, actimithy,
If you don't believe what do say,
Walk in, King George an clear thy way!

[King George]

I COMES KING GEORGE THIS NOBLE Knight
I lost my blood in Engglish fight,
I lost my blood that is the reason
Makes me car this precious weepon.
I fear not Spanish nor Turk,
Where is the man that bid me hurt,
Where is the man that bids me stand,
I'll knock him down with my creatious hand,
I'll cut 'im an hew im as small as flies,
An send im to the cook shop to make mince pies.
Mince pies hot, mince pies cold,
Mince pies in the pot nine days old.
Walk in Bold Slash!

BOLD SLASH:

I am the Royal o Proosia King,
Bold Slasher is my name
Sword an buckle by my side,
I hope to win the game.

{The fight; King George falls.}

FATHER CHRISTMAS:

Doctor, Doctor, wur bist thee?
{2}
King George is oonded through the knee,
Doctor, Doctor, play thy part,
King George is oonded through the heart.

JACK VINNEY:

Just come 'ome 'arse back on a donkey!

DOCTOR:

See, sa sir, I am the noble Doctor yure;
Travels here an thur an everywhur,
To cure an not to kill;
all sorts o diseases,
Just which my pills pleases,
The itch, the stitch, the palsey an the gout,
Pains within an pains without.
Bring me an old dummon 's been laid in her grave forty years,
I'm bound to fetch her to life again,
Make 'er eat apple dumplins for twentyfive yurs to come red 'ot.
{To Jack Outside} What's the matter with this man, then Jack?

JACK VINNEY {From without} :

I think 'e's got the mumps, Sir.

DOCTOR:

Bring my spectacles, Jack.
I believe he want's a tuth drawed.

JACK {without} :

Yes sir! {brings spectacles.}

DOCTOR:

Bring my pliers, Jack!
Come an 'old 'is 'ead an mind not stagger!

{Then they draw the tooth; a great big tooth, an held it up}

DOCTOR:

Behold the tooth that I drawed from this man, Jack,
Aint it enough to kill any one?

JACK:

Quite right!

DOCTOR:

Bring my pill box, Jack!
These little pills that cure all ills,
An all sorts of diseases,
the itch, the stitcn, the palsey an the gout,
The pains within an the pains without,
Take one o my Scotch pills,
An work thy body to an through,
An get up an fight thy man again.
{King George gets up and they have a bit of a fight; Royal o Proosia fal}
That's a pretty fine thing for thee to kill an I to cure,
If there's ary nother man that can do any more than that,
Let'n step in, if his names called Jack Vinney.

{p 3 MUMMERS, Belcher, Drayton}

JACK VINNEY:

Who bist thee a-callin Jack Vinney?
My name's not Jack Vinney, nor John Vinney;
My name's Mr. Vinney,
a man of fame,
Do as much as thee or any other man again.

DOCTOR:

What can's thee do, then Jack?

JACK:

Cure a magpie wi the tuth ache,
Or Jenny Wren with the ear ache.

DOCTOR:

How dos't do that, then Jack?

JACK:

Chop his head off an fling his body in the ditch!

DOCTOR:

Barbarous work, then Jack!

JACK VINNEY:

Not barbarous work at all, sir.
I can cure this man if 'e aint quite dead.
Give us thy right hand an rise up
An not fight thy man again.
Come in, Mary Ann!

THE OLD DUMMON:

In comes an old dummon
The truth I can tell,
If I don't make no mistake,
I'm quite a young gal;
Finest young gal that ever you saw,
My age is just turned ninety an three.
As I went down a broad narrow lane,
I saw a pig sty tied up to an eldern tree,
Thatched wie candle sticks;
I knocked at the maid; out fled the door.
She ast if I could drink a crust o bread an cheese,
An eat a half pint o' beer.
I went down the same road, only a different road altogether,
I saw a crow as white as snow;
I brought me zig(zeeg)? to plase you all.
Wie the aye, dye dum,
wie the aye dye dum,
Wie the aye dye dum i derry
We are come this Christmas time
To make you to be merry.

Notes:

Carpenter's Notes on Provenance

THE MUMMERS, W. Belcher, Ray Lane, South End Cottage Drayton, Learned from father, Chas. Belcher, 50 years ago; never saw in print.
Father from Drayton

Biographical Notes on Informants

William Belcher, was born c.1864 in Drayton - 1871, 1881 & 1891 censuses, Agricultural Labourer (1881) & Labourer Malt House (1891)
Charles Belcher, born c.1833/34 in Drayton, most census 1841-1901, but 1841 & 1871 say Abingdon (possibly Shippon), which 5 miles away. Most of his career he was a brickmaker, but started and ended as a farm labourer.
Assuming Carpenter collected this play c.1933 (as he did other nearby plays), William would have learned the play from his father c.1883 when he was about 19 year old. Had Charles performed the play at a similar age, this would have been c.1852.

File History:

2024-02-29 - Digitised and encoded by Peter Millington
2024-03-01 - TEI-encoded by Peter Millington

Extras:

TEI-encoded File

A TEI-encoded XML version of this text can be downloaded here.

Text Relatives Map

See how many of the lines in this text also appear in other plays:
  • As a histogram sorted by the number of shared lines
  • On a map with markers sized according to the number of shared lines