Context:

Location: Appleford, Berkshire, England (SU5298)
Year: Perf. 1880s
Time of Occurrence: Christmas
Collective Name: Mummers

Source:

Ezrael Edwards Greenough
THE MUMMERS
James Madison Carpenter Collection, https://www.vwml.org/record/VWMLCustomsIndex/PL272

Cast:

Text:

{THE MUMMERS, Ezrael Edwards Greenough, Hill Farm, Appleford; (Whiteleys Farm, North Morton);learned from one of mummer's; 50 yeas ago; Never saw in print-.}

FATHER CHRISTMAS:

In comes Old Father Christmas,
Welcome here or welcome not,
I hope Old Father Christmas will never fogrot,
In comes I with my brush an broom
Knock down the cobwebs an sweep up the room.
A room a room, I do presume
Please give me room to rhyme
I'm come to show activity
This merryChristmas time.
Activity of youth, activity of age
The life that was never seen
before nor yet acted on th stage
All those that wont believe what I got to say,
Walk in K.G. and clear the w way!

KING GEORGE:

In comes King George, this noble knight,
Which lost his blood through an English fight
Through an English fight it was the reason,
It makes me carry this awful weepon;
I fought 'ard battles at Ome an abroad,
It all comes true upon my word;
I fear no Spanish, French, nor Turk
No man of life can do me hurt.
Now let me hear all your voices ring. [line underlined]
I am the Royal o Proosia King.

FATHER CHRISTMAS:

Walk in, Captain Kerless [(kur)]

CAPTAIN CURLESS:

In comes Old Captain Curless,
Jest come from the Isle of Wight,
With the Duek of Northumberland,
I am come here to fight;
Where is that man that dares to bid me stand,
I'll cut him down with my all creatious hand,
I'll cut him as numerous as small as flies,
Send him to the cook shop to make mince pies;
I am a valiant soldier
Both sword an buckle by my side,
An Slasher is me name
Be in hopes to win this game.

KING GEORGE:

Ah, Slasher, Ah Slasher
Don't thee be too hot,
For in this room thee don't know who thee has to got;

SLASHER:

Ah my brave boy, an I'll stand good,
An from thy body, I'll draw thy blood.
A battle, a battle thee an I'll try,
To see which on the ground shall lie,
Mind thee eyes an guard thee blows,
An face also! {They fight, King George falls}

FATHER CHRISTMAS:

O docter, doctor, is't away,
No longer let htis man here lay
O Doctor, doctor do thy part,
King George is wounded through the heart,
O Doctor, doctor, what is thy fee,

DOCTOR:

Ten pound an a pound is my fee,
But only five I'll take of thee.
BRING MY PILL BOX, Jack!

JACK:

Your will box, sir!

DOCTOR:

No my pill box!
I car's this little box full o pills
To cure all ills,
The itch, the stich, paulsey an the gout
Pains within an pains without
The molly grubs, and the bonny scrubs
An all these other little tantorious little things.
Which you wouldn't be able to mention in a fortnight.
Bring to me an old ummon that's been dead seven long years,
Led in her grave eight, Buried nine,
she aint got but one humpum scrumpum jack tuth in 'er 'ead,
if she 'ave,
I'll bound to be bound a thousand pound,
maintaint this man's life the same;
If thee won't believe all I got to say,
Walk in King George, an clear the way.
So thee take one of these pills
At'll work thee through an through abain
King of England, King of Spain,
Rise King George, an fight again.

FATHER CHRISTMAS:

War!

{King George an Captain Kerless fight; Captain Kerless falls-}

FATHER CHRISTMAS:

Walk in, Jack Vinney!

JACK VINNEY:

My name aint Jack Vinney
My name's MR Vinney,
man of great property
Do more than thee can or any other man.

FATHER CHRISTMAS:

What can's thee do then Jack

JACK:

Cure a magpie with the tuth ache,
An cure this man if he aint quite dead,
So I pray unto thee, rise up thy head.

{Greenough- Additions-- Note 1}

[Doctor]

Bring me my pliers jack,

JACK:

Your wires, sir!

DOCTOR:

No my pliers!
PULL JACK! {When tooth comes out; hold up-}

DOCTOR:

See sir, see sir, what a turrible great long sprain,
Think if I hadn't a made a clever hand at it,
I should a broke his jaw bone.
If not tore his gum all to pieces.
So thee take one o these little pills
At8ll work thee through an through again,
King of England, King of Spain,
Rise King George an fight again.
[End of Greenough additions]
Come in Father Beelzebub!

FATHER BEELZEBUB:

In comes Old Father Beelzebub,
In in hand he car's his club,
In his hand a drippin pan,
Don't ye think I'm a jolly oldman.
In comes I as aint been it,
Wie my big 'ead an little,
Me ead's so big, me wit's so small,
I brought my fiddle to please you all.
Green sleeves, an yallo lace,
Come down, my lads dance a pace,
The fiddler is in great distress,
For he wants a little money.

Notes:

Indexer's Notes

1. Assumed insertion point. As with many of Carpenter's typescripts, this text is riddled with typos and marked up with insertions, whose intended insertion points are not be clear. This is the case with this block of text, and it has been inserted in the location where it seems to continue the dialogue. Other interpretations are possible.

File History:

2022-01-29 - Indexed by Peter Millington
2024-01-26 - TEI-encoded by Peter Millington

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