Context:

Location: Holton, Oxfordshire, England (SP6006)
Year: Perf. Late 19th century
Time of Occurrence: Christmas
Collective Name: Mummers

Source:

Sir Charles Ponsonby
Wooton: The anatomy of an Oxfordshire Village 1948-1968
Woodstock: Sir Charles Ponsonby, 1968

Cast:

Text:

{69}

{APPENDIX III THE MUMMERS PLAY (as acted at Holton, Oxfordshire, during the latter part of the 19th century) Characters The Foreman: King William: The Duke of Cumberland: Jack Finny: An old man and his wife: Doctor}

Foreman

Make room! Make room! Moi gallant boys!
And give me room to royme.
For Oi am coom to let yer know
'Tis murry Christmas toime.
Boald French and officers,
It is moi 'art's deloight ,
Oi've been through many a field o' foight!
Oi've fought moi battles and am now coom 'ome,
And doan't yer think Oi'm very well known?
Coom in King Willum!

King W.

In cooms King Willum, a man o' courage boald,
And with moi arrum Oi'll win noine croons o' goald!
Where's the man dare bids me stand?
Oi'll bring 'im down to slarter,
and by that means, Oi'll give the name o' the Kings a great darter!
Coom in Dook!

Duke of C.

In cooms the Dook o' Coomberland,
With 'is broad sword all in 'is 'and!
Oi'm the man dare bids yer stand,
although yer says Yer'll cut me down with yer courageous 'and.
Oi'll cut yer hup as small and noomerous as floys,
And send yer to the cook-shop to make mince pois!
So baltle and batlle twix you and Oi,
To see which on the ground shall loi.
So guard yer 'ead and moind yer blows
Or Oi'll 'ave off the end of yer long, hugly nose!

{They fight wilh sticks and King W. fails to the ground.}

{70}

Foreman

Doctor! Doctor! Where bees thee?
King Willum's wounded to the knee,
'E's sorely smitten near the 'art,
And wants the Doctor to 'eal the smart!

Doctor

See! 'Ere's the Doctor!

Foreman

And what can yer cure, Doctor?

Doctor

Oi can cure all kinds of diseases,
Everything moi medicine pleases;
Ipsey, Pipsy, Palsy and the Gout,
Pains within and pains without.
Not only that, but last Moonday noight,
Oi asked King Garge's wife to weigh me out
Noine pounds o' butter.
And she was hup in a 'old 'olly bush,
Weighing out eight pounds o' steel
To pay 'er rent with!
She drops 'er gert butter-dragger on moi 'ead,
And knocks me roight from bottom to top!
Oi takes to moi 'eels and Oi runs
Down a long, short, narrer lande
and there Oi met A live lion stuffed with straw.
'E run me to a mouse 'ole.
And there Oi met poor, old Mrs Inkle Crinkle,
Bless 'er old 'art!
Oi knowed and you knowed and we all knowed 'er,
Only nobody knowed nothing at all about 'er.
And Oi goes down a little bit further,
And out cooms a little, blue, black bark, 'E dogged at e
Oi gives 'im such a bat over rattler,
Oi never sees no more on 'im!
And Oi goes down a little bit further,
And Oi cooms to the Dook's 'ouse.
Oi knocks at the door and out cooms the Maid,
Such a roosh! She asks me if Oi'll have A bit o' beer
and a glass o' bread and cheese?
Oi says, 'yes, thank yer, no, if yer please'.
And Oi goes down a little bit further,
And Oi sees two dead men afoighting,
And two blind men looking on, to see fair play,
And two dumb men shouting, "'urray!"

{71}

Duke of C.

But we wants to cuer our young King Willum,
As lies 'ere ill.

Doctor

Bring me an old woman, seven years dead,
Eight years laid in 'er grave,
One tooth in 'er jaw, one 'air on 'er 'ead.
'Er life Oi'm bound to save!
'Ere, moi little man, take this pill,
And if yer dies, never believe me no moor!
Oi've travelled far, Italy, France and Spain,
Rise oop, King Willum and foight again!

Foreman

Be yer Jack Finny?

Finny

No, Oi baint Jack Finny!
Oi be Mr. Finny
and Mr. Finny Oi'll be called.

Foreman

Then coom in, Mr. Finny.

Finny

In cooms Oi as aren't been 'it,
With me big 'ead and little wit.
Moi 'ead's so big and moi wits so smart,
Oi'll play yer a tune as'll please yer 'art!

{He plays a tune - usually all a mouth-organ.}

Old Man {To each actor in turn}

Be you the noble Doctor?

Each Actor {in turn}

No, Oi baint the noble Doctor.

Old Man {This time to the Doctor}

Be you the noble Doctor?

Doctor

Yes, Oi bees the noble Doctor.
What may yer please to want?

Old Man

Oi is bad as bad can be,
And moi old woman's noine toimes worse than me!

Doctor

Bring the old gal in and let's 'ave a look at 'er.

{Old man picks up old woman and dumps her onto the ground}

{72}

Doctor {cont'd}

A've yer been misusin' of 'er, lately?

Old Man

No, Doctor,
Will yer 'ave a look at 'er, please?

Doctor

Oi thinks she got the Blue Rousles.

Old Man

Oi thinks yer makes a grand mistake there, Doctor
Will yer 'ave another look at 'er, please?

Doctor

Well, Oi thinks she got the Flavour Alurk.

Old Man

Flavour Alurk? What's that, Doctor?

Doctor

Two stomachs to eat and mere a one to work.

Old Man

Oi thinks yer makes a grand mistake there, Doctor.
Will yer 'ave another look at 'er, please?

Doctor

Oi thinks she got the Ipsy Pipsys.

Old Man

Oi thinks yer makes a grand mistake there , Doctor.
Will yer 'ave another look at 'er, please?

Doctor

Oi thinks she got the Umbles Grumbles in the Bread Barsket.

Old Man

Well, she always, ws a grumblin' old gallise
Will yer 'ave another look at 'er, please?
Yer be getting neigher.

Doctor

Well, Oi thinks she got the Tooth Ache.

Old Man

Oi thinks yer about roight there, Doctor ,
For Oi jobbed this nobbled stick down 'er throat
last noight and, Oi dare aay, it waggled some of
'er old jack stumps!
Drar 'em, will yer please, Doctor?

{Doctor draws her tooth and the woman screams and Doctor shows a large, horse's tooth.}

{73}

Old Man

Thank yer, Doctor.

Doctor

Two shillings or 'alf a crown.

Old Man

Well, Oi've never paid more than two and sixpence before
but Oi'll see what Oi can do for ee, Doctor.

{EXEUNT OMNES}

{The actors walk round and round each oth er, say ing th eir parts except for the fight scene, etc..}

{A.T-B}

Notes:

Indexer's Notes

This text seems to relate to a separate photograph dated 1893, of which a line drawn copy was published in 'Folklore' in 1894.

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2024-02-15 - Encoded by Peter Millington
2024-02-16 - TEI-encoded by Peter Millington

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