Location: Falkirk, Stirlingshire, Scotland (NS8880)
Year: Comm. 1825
Time of Occurrence: Daft Days, Hogmany, Hogmenay
Collective Name: Guisards


Willian Hone
The Every-day Book and Table Book... : Vol.II
London, Thomas Tegg & Son, 1827, Col.13-21




Rise up gudewife and shake your feathers
Dinna think that we're beggars,
We are bairns com'd to play
And for to seek our hogmenay ;
Redd up stocks, redd up stools,
Here comes in a pack o' fools.
Muckle head and little wit stand behint the door,
But sic a set as we are, ne'er were here before.

King of Macedon

Here comes in the great king of Macedon,
Who has conquer'd all the world but Scotland alone.
When I came to Scotland my heart grew so cold,
To see a little nation so stout and so bold,
So stout and so bold, so frank and so free !
Call upon Galgacus to fight wi' me.

{Enter Galgacus}


Here comes in Galgacus - wha doesna feear my name ?
Sword and buckler by my side, I hope to win the game !
{They close in a sword fight, and in the "hash smash" the chief is victorious. He says :}
Down Jack ! down to the ground you must go -
Oh O ! what's this I've done ?
I've killed my brother Jack, my father's only son !
Call upon the doctor.

{Enter Doctor (saying)}


Here comes in the best doctor that ever Scotland bred.


What can you cure ?

{The doctor then relates his skill in surgery.}


What will ye tak to cure this man ?


Ten pound and a bottle of wine.


Will six not do ?


No, you must go higher.


Seven !


That will not put on the pot, &c.

{A bargain however is struck, and the Doctor says to Jack,}


Start to your feet and stand !


Oh hon, my back, I'm sairly wounded.


What ails your back ?


There's a hole in't you may turn your toungue ten times round it !


How did youget it ?


Fighting for our land.


How mony did you kill ?


I killed a' the lons save ane, but he ran, he wad na stand.

{Here, most unfortunately, there is a "hole i'the ballad",...}


Here comes in Judas - Judas is my name,
If ye pit bought sillar i'my bag, for gudesake mind our wame !
When I gaed to the castle yett and tirl't at the pin,
They keepit they keys o' the castle wa', and wad na let me in.
I've been i' the east carse,
I've been i' the west carse,
I've been to the carse o' Gowrie,
Where the clouds rain a' day wi' peas and wi'beans !
And the farmers theek houses wi' needles and prins !
I've seen geese ga'in' on pattens !
And swine fleeing i' the air, like peelings o' onions !
Our hearts are made o' steel, but our body's sma' as ware,
If you've onything to gi' us, stap it in there !

{One of the guisards who has the best voice, generally concludes the exhibition by singing an "auld Scottish sang."...}

File History:

- Entered by Peter Millington
2021-01-15 - TEI-encoded by Peter Millington


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