Location: Jerusalem, Lincolnshire, England (SK9171)
Year: Perf. Before 1914
Time of Occurrence: Christmas
Collective Name: [Not given]


E.C.Cawte et al
English Ritual Drama : A Geographical Index
London, Folklore Society, 1967, pp.74-78




In comes I bold Tom
As bold as a lion
A blacksmiths shop
Without any iron
A pair of old bellows
all full of holes
An old iron stiddy
and not many coals
Open spoken France and Spain
In comes our Sargent
on the the same

{Enter Sargent}


In comes I the recruting sargent I've arrived in here just now
I have had orders from the Queen to list all fellers that follow orse cart or plough
Likewise Tinkers Taylors Pedlers and Sailors
Fools at my advance
The more I hear the fiddlers play
the better I can dance


What me a fool come to see you dance


Yes I can hear them dance, sing or play


If you begin to dance sing or play
I shall quickly march away
Praps in a short time the lady will be here


{sings} In comes the lady bright and gay
Big fortune make sweet charms
Its scornful how I'm thrown away
Out of some dear one's arms
He swears if I don't marry him
That you will understand
He'll list all for a soldier
And go to some foreign land.


Do you love me pretty fair maiden


Yes unto my sorrow


When'st to be our wedding day


Tommy loves tomorrow

{All three start to dance}

Fool, Sargent & Lady

Toorooriadio, Tommys wed tommorio


Stop ! Stop ! Stop !
Whats all thi dancing and jiggin about 'eres a tight boy to dance
I can dance on a barley chaff riddle.
It will neither bend nor break one strand
I am going to ask all you stickmejacks to me and ladys wedding
and what you like the best you must bring on with you.
I know what me and me lady likes and what me lady is goin to have.
We're going to have a barley chaff dumplin buttered with wool
and a gallon of ropy ale to it.
So its ladies and gentlemen's you've eerd all my part
I can act the fools part just as well as any other
{Shufffes em rarnd with stick}
Only wait a short time perhaps old Dame Jane will be ere

Dame Jane

In cums I old Dame Jane
with a neck as long as a crane
Dib Dab over the meadow
once I was a blooming maid
But now I am a down right old widow
{Has a doll in hand}
{To Fool} Tommy its a long time since I sawt thee
but now I've caught thee.
Since all my joys exhausted
since you called me what you did pray
tommy take your bastard
{Gives doll to Tommy}
Look at its chin
its nose its eyes
its as much like you as ever it could bin


What is it He male or Shemale (Take your feeder and spoon it)




All mines Hemale
{Claps hand on leg}
Thats my leg you old faggit ive note ter thank you for
Only wait a short time old Eezum Squeezum

Eezum Squeezum

In cums I old Eezum squeezum
on me back I carry my beezum
In mi hand a whip leather frying pan
bread an cheeze in a bag puddin in a lantern
if you had been where Ive been you would never be wanted.
Is there anybody here can stand afore this.


Yes I can for my head is made of iron my body is made of steel,
and no one can make me feel
[Omission here somewhere]
My shins is muttle bone

Eezum Squeezum

Aw carnt they

{Clouts Rib. and knocks him down}


Five pound for a doctor

[Someone No.1]

Ten pound to stop away

Someone No.2]

Fifteen pound and he must come at once


In comes I the doctor


What you a doctor


Yes I've travelled for it


Where've you travelled


I've travelled all over the world
I've travelled England Scotland France and Spain
Three times round the world and back again to old England


Havnt you been nowhere else


Yes I once went three mile yon side York
to an old Lady called misses Cork
She fell upstairs with an empty teapot full of flour
and grazed her shinbone just above her elbow
and made her stocking bleed


What pains can you cure


I can cure the hipsy pipsy palsy gout
pain within and pain without
Draw tooth set a leg
cure almost any pain in the head


Clever doctor try your skill


Thank you sir so I will

{Places hat, coat, gloves, stick on table. Begins to feel of old man}


Is that the strongest part about a man


Its the strongest part about a woman.
I've a little bottle in my inside coat trousers waistcoat pocket.
He wants a little of my wiff waff
just rubbin' round 'is tiff taff.
This man is not dead hes only in a trance
come rise up old man and lets have a dance
if you can't dance we can sing
come rise up old man and lets begin

{All start to sing}


Good master and good mistress
As you sit round your fire
Remember us poor ploughboys,
Who plough through mud and mire
The mire it is so very deep
The water runs so clear
Give what you like to our money box
And a mug of your best beer

{Send round collection box}

{Foolgoes out}

[All except Fool]

Good master and good mistress
You see our fool as gone
We make it in our busness
To follow him alone
He swears if I don't marry him
As you will understand
He'll list all for a soldier and go to some foreign land
{Give greetins on exit}
Whoa Whoa Wopsy old boy
which of you old boys can 'old my 'orse
'es a donkey 'es a rum un to kick
mind he doesnt bite you my lads.


Cawte et al's Notes:

"From Mrs E.H. Rudkin: Collection. Collected by Anthony Padget, 1959. (Jerusalem is four miles from Lincoln).
From three elderly men: Mr C. Briggs, Mr Brown, and Mr Lilley, who came from the village of Jerusalem where they used to work on the land. Mr Briggs and his father before him was the Village Crier. The play was last performed at Jerusalem before 1914. It was revived by the three men, assisted by the vicar, and given at an Old Age Pensioners' party a few years ago. Started before Christmas and carried on after. There were seven characters."

Peter Millington's Notes:

In other versions, the four lines tagged here onto the end would immediately precede the entry of the Doctor.

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1994-12-26 - Entered by Peter Millington
2000-01-01 - Notes added by Peter Millington
2021-01-15 - TEI-encoded by Peter Millington


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